


heartaches

by getcool (avatarstates)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Falling In Love, High School, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush, where noya has a fat crush on asahi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-07-07 23:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15918528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avatarstates/pseuds/getcool
Summary: "But he's in the basketball club! Everyone there is evil!""You won't be saying that once you meet Asahi."where Nishinoya Yuu learns to deal with the side effects of being in love.





	1. Chapter 1

It starts with noticing the tiny things about him. The nervous "hello" he utters when their gazes meet across the hallway. The charming lilt of his syllables. The way his eyes soften and crinkle at the sides before he smiled. The tiny scar on his chin.

Nishinoya Yuu is lying in his bed that night. The hands of the clock indicate its well past two in the morning. He's been awake for a couple of hours now—since nine 'o clock—thinking about those tiny things he's noticed over the span of three months of knowing his senior, Azumane Asahi. And Nishinoya doesn't know how he feels about the knowledge, other than the fact that thinking about them makes his heart swell with warmth and his cheeks to hurt from smiling so widely. He's on his side now, in a fetal position, body wrapped in his blanket while his arms are clinging around his pillow. He's indulging in idle thoughts, desires that only visit him at night, as he snuggles deeper into the warmth of his blanket burrito.

Some part of him wishes he could hear Asahi's voice right now, or just be in the boy's presence. Nishinoya really enjoys his company; they could spend hours together not doing anything exciting and Nishinoya would treasure every moment spent. There's just something about Asahi that comforts him. Smiles and laughter come easy around the older boy. There's never any pressure to act like someone who he isn't and Asahi seems genuine himself too. That's what Nishinoya loves about hanging out with Asahi.

There's a buzzing noise from his phone on his nightstand and Nishinoya's heart leaps as he reaches to check it. But according to the notifications on screen, it's just an update from a youtuber he's subscribed to. His heart settles back to its pace but there's a distinct pinch of disappointment in his chest. With a sigh, he kicks his way out of the blanket burrito and crawls to the end of his bed. Drawing the curtains open, he stares out the window.

The moon hangs in the sky like a half-open eye, shining over the sleepy neighborhood. Despite the darkness, it's hard to make out the stars from here in this town. Tonight, they're not visible so it's just him and the moon. Despite how tranquil the night seems, Nishinoya feels lonely. There's a distinct ache in his chest which he has come to recognize as longing.

And it's longing for a certain someone that tugs his mind into the labyrinth of memories.

* * *

The cherry blossoms were in full bloom when they first met. Nishinoya had seen Asahi around in school but their first interaction had been when Nishinoya had showed up at First Gymnasium, thinking it was the venue for the boys' volleyball club.

"Sorry, but this is the basketball club," said the gigantic captain. Nishinoya had to crane his neck to look at the guy in the eye. "The boys' volleyball club is in the other gym."

"Ah, right." Nishinoya cursed inwardly at for not paying attention when he signed up for the club the other day. "I knew that," he said, faking a large smile.

The captain sighed before waving one of the players over. "Azumane, please show him where the other gym is."

"Ah, no, that won't be necessary—"Nishinoya broke off when the Azumane guy came over. Like everyone else in the club, Azumane was tall but what intimidated Nishinoya other than his height was his appearance. Azumane had broad shoulders and a muscular build. He also had long brown hair that was tied back into a bun, with a bit of scruff on his chin. Nishinoya couldn't estimate how old this guy truly was; he could've easily been a third year except all the third years Nishinoya seen around appeared younger. If Nishinoya ever saw him in the streets he would've walked the other way.

However that impression of Azumane was soon forgotten when the guy smiled at him. There had been some awkwardness in his expression but the way his warm brown eyes regarded Nishinoya caused the underclassman's heart to flutter. "Hello." Azumane's voice was deep but it had a friendly rumble to it that Nishinoya instantly liked. "I'm Azumane Asahi. I'm a second-year."

Nishinoya had been smiling back at him before realizing belatedly he was spoken to. "Nishinoya Yuu, first-year." He paused, looking at the older boy up and down. "You sure are big and a little scary-looking for a second year," he said without thinking and the smile on Azumane's face faltered.

"Ah," responded Azumane and Nishinoya instantly regretted letting his mouth speak before thinking.

"Yes, it's good that the two of you are getting acquainted," cut in the captain, patting Azumane's shoulder. "But you should really get going."

"Yeah. Um, sorry for the trouble!" Nishinoya inclined his head before hurrying out the gymnasium. He spared a look over his shoulder to find Azumane catching right up to him. Heat spread across his cheeks as he said, "Oh no, it's fine, Azumane. You can go back to practice. I can find my way around."

Azumane arched his eyebrows but smiled placidly. "Ah, but it's my responsibility as your senior to make sure you find the right gym."

Nishinoya would've made a smart retort except Azumane sounded genuine about his statement. He pursed his lips together instead and gave Azumane a sidelong look. A part of him was intrigued, wondering how someone who looked scary at first could seem so nice. How someone as large as he was could exude an aura of gentleness. How someone Nishinoya had just met could be instantly liked by him. Azumane was a conundrum; Nishinoya loathed those as he preferred things to be clear-cut and simple but this guy was an exception. Nishinoya had a feeling he wouldn't mind the contrasting traits.

As they approached the Second Gymnasium, where the boys' volleyball club was, the squeak of shoe soles on polished floorboards, the sharp slap of a palm on the ball and the chattering voices grew distinct. Nishinoya was relieved because he was finally here but at the same time there was a twinge of disappointment that his time with Azumane had come to an end. "Thanks for walking me here," said Nishinoya as he turned to face the second-year.

"You too," replied Azumane before his face flushed red. "I mean, um, it was my pleasure, of course. Upperclassman's responsibilities, y'know," he corrected himself, stumbling over the syllables. Nishinoya couldn't help but laugh and Azumane offered a shy smile. "I'll see you around, Nishinoya," he added, giving a wave before leaving. It was silly but Nishinoya spent a few moments to watch him go. Warmth had blossomed within him during their brief exchange before they parted ways.

Nishinoya saw Azumane a few more times after that day. However, their interactions were limited to awkward waves and fleeting exchanges of smiles. For a month since their first interaction, wishful thinking that they'd have a proper conversation together haunted Nishinoya.

"So, I hope you don't mind me asking but," said Tanaka Ryuunosuke, his best friend, one day as they were walking down the corridor during lunch to go to the rooftop, "who's that scary-looking upperclassman you know?"

"Eh?" Nishinoya frowned at Tanaka, unsure of who his friend was referring to. Detachedly he found it ironic how Tanaka would find anyone intimidating, considering his appearance. With a shaved head and a penchant to make scary faces for fun, Tanaka was often mistaken for a delinquent.

"The one you always wave at. Six feet, with a goatee and the bun."

Nishinoya's heart skipped in his chest as the image of who Tanaka was describing flashed in his mind. "Ah, him!" he laughed, feeling his lips pull into a huge grin at the thought. "That's Azumane Asahi. From the basketball club."

Tanaka arched his eyebrows, doing a double take at Nishinoya. "Seriously? You're friends with him?" The disbelief in Tanaka's tone caused Nishinoya to look over at him.

A frown pinched Nishinoya's eyebrows together. "I wouldn't say friends," he muttered thoughtfully, "but we're acquainted, I suppose. Why?" The two of them had reached the top floor and were pushing the access door to the rooftop open.

Tanaka looked furtively around. There were a few students here and there, enjoying their lunches and chatting but they paid no heed to the two second-years who just arrived. Nishinoya gave him a questioning stare but he didn't speak until they seated themselves next to the planters where the Biology student grew their pea plants or something. "I don't know if you've know this but," began Tanaka as his voice dropped to a whisper. Nishinoya had to lean closer to hear him over the breeze and the other students. "Azumane is evil."

Nishinoya's eyes widened before he burst into laughter, the sound of his amusement cutting above the noise. Few heads turned their direction while Tanaka smacked his arm in efforts to shut him up. "Tanaka, you can't possibly assume he's evil! You haven't even met him."

"But he's in the basketball club!" Tanaka protested as he popped open his lunch box. Grabbing his chopsticks from its case, he continued, "Everyone there is evil! You didn't hear about the drama last year when they wanted to take over our gym because it's closer to the classrooms —"

"Now, now," Nishinoya cut Tanaka off. "It happened last year and that's just a rumor. Suga was joking when he told us that, remember?"

"But —"

"And you won't be saying that once you meet Asahi," finished Nishinoya.

Tanaka scowled. "Oh, so you're on a first-name basis with him now?"

Heat rose in Nishinoya's cheeks. "No, it's just his family name is a mouthful. Plus, I really like the way his first name sounds. The syllables are flow nicely and there's like a soft-feel to them, y'know? Asahi. A-sa-hi," he said and Tanaka rolled his eyes.

"Oh, please, do tell me when you're marrying him so I can plan your wedding party out," Tanaka groaned.

Nishinoya's face turner redder than it had before. "I'm not marrying him!" he protested, voice shooting higher in pitch than normal. He elbowed Tanaka. "My heart belongs to Kiyoko," he added, naming the manager of their club, who was an attractive second-year girl with beautiful gray eyes and medium-length black hair.

"She's an absolute goddess," Tanaka sighed dreamily.

"She is," Nishinoya agreed before he looked away. For some unknown reason, he felt a tiny twinge of guilt. They carried on eating and chatting afterwards and forgot all about the topic of Azumane and his evilness. At least, until they were on their way back to their classes when they met Azumane. Nishinoya hadn't noticed as they rounded the corner on the landing of the stairs but the moment he heard his name being called. Immediately, he stopped short, his voice falling silent halfway through something he was telling Tanaka as his head whipped around to find who had called him.

Azumane was there on the landing smiling at him. Kiyoko was there too, standing next to Asahi and regarding a wide-eyed Nishinoya and gawking Tanaka. But Nishinoya's vision had tunnelled once he recognized the second-year's voice. His heart wouldn't have felt like it was going to burst out of his chest had it not been for the fact that Azumane called him by his first name. Yuu. Nishinoya's mouth was dry and he was sure the world was spinning around him but he managed to say, "Hi Asahi." His voice had gone squeaky, to his dismay but Azumane seemed not to mind. Then he remembered Kiyoko was there too so he greeted her as well. "Hello, Kiyoko."

Nishinoya's mind had pretty much went blank, going on autopilot, only to become aware of the present when Tanaka snickered, "First name basis, eh?" Nishinoya's expression was halfway between that of embarrassment and indignation. "But since he knows Kiyoko," drawled Tanaka, grinning suggestively, "I retract my statement on him being evil. A goddess like Kiyoko Shimizu wouldn't associate herself with any malevolent beings."

"You don't know for sure if he's malevolent."

"So do you, but anyway, you should really try to ask him to put in a good word for me to Kiyoko."

Nishinoya sighed loudly.

Following that day, more opportunities to talk to Azumane—no, Asahi, since they were technically on a first-name basis—presented themselves to Nishinoya. And while he got to know Asahi better through their conversations, little by little, he learned more about his upperclassman from the way Asahi acted. Like how he tended to gesture with his hands when he spoke. How he tucked in that stray strand of hair that always escaped from his bun. The fact that his eyes seemed smile before his lips do. The way he says "Yuu" that makes Nishinoya's heart stop for a moment.

Nishinoya was smitten before he realized it.

* * *

"Did you even get any sleep at all?" asks Tanaka when he comes to visit Nishinoya the next day under the pretense of doing homework. He takes note of the shadows under Nishinoya's eyes and the haggard look on his friend's face. Even Nishinoya's dark hair, which would usually be styled upwards into spikes during the day, has an untidy appearance, like he's been raking his fingers through them until they're all out of place.

"What?" Nishinoya forces a laugh. The sound he makes is too harsh to his own ears but he forces himself not to cringe. Shaking his head, he says, "I'm good. Just had a rough night, y'know? I was watching some really sad romance movie." It's a blatant lie that causes Tanaka to arch his eyebrow in suspicion. Nishinoya's caught between hoping Tanaka would call him out on it, and hoping his best friend would leave him be. He really wants to talk about his feelings towards Asahi but at the same time he's afraid Tanaka might judge him for it.

Tanaka pats Nishinoya's shoulder instead. He shakes his head and says, "I don't believe you but if anything's bothering you, I'm there to listen, okay?"

"Y-yeah." Nishinoya nods and averts his gaze from Tanaka's. They've been friends since the start of high school. Though the time in which they've known each other isn't long, the connection between them suggests otherwise; Nishinoya could swear that they were best of friends in another life. But this isn't enough to stop him from fearing the what if's and considering the worst possibilities. And it frustrates him because as much as he wants to grab Tanaka by the shoulders and scream about how much thinking he's done in the past few days, he can't bring himself to do it. He manages a halfhearted smile and says, "What would I do without you?"

"Live the most boring life ever," answers Tanaka and Nishinoya agrees. They talk about video games after that though the conversation quickly dies when they become aware of how much time they've wasted. They start on homework but not much progress is made as they do not have a solid understanding of the concepts needed to answer the questions. That's when Tanaka suggests they ask their upperclassmen for tutoring.

Nishinoya's mind is quick to flash an image of him and Asahi studying together. It's fleeting but he can picture Asahi being patient with him, speaking in a gentle tone that does its magic to make Nishinoya want to try harder. Without warning his heart squeezes painfully in his chest with the aching desire for that image to be a reality. His voice is shaky when he says, "What?"

"What?"

"Tutoring?"

Tanaka gives Nishinoya a strange look but nods. "You heard me right," he confirms and sets his pen down. "Personally, I think it'd help us understand stuff better since they're closer to our age and we'd have the similar way of thinking. I could ask Suga or Daichi—'cause they've got big brain energy or somthing—but imagine how fantastic it'd be if Kiyoko could help us too," Tanaka was saying.

"Oh, yeah." For some reason, Nishinoya's voice comes out sounding unenthusiastic so he hastily adds, "But we should ask them first."

Fortunately, Tanaka agrees. "Yeah, so Kiyoko's on top of our to-ask list —"

"Our?"

"Yeah, since you're in on it too, right?"

Nishinoya makes a nonchalant noise and shrugs. An idea occurs to his mind and he finds himself voicing it right away. "Maybe it should be a one-on-one thing. I appreciate your company and all but … don't you think it'd be better if we get tutored separately? I mean, we can't really focus much when we're around each other, no offense. Anyway, I'm cool if you want Kiyoko to tutor you but I'll find someone else."

Between a heartbeat and another, Tanaka's expression goes from understanding to teasing. There's that huge goofy grin sitting crookedly on his lips as he regards Nishinoya. "Oh?" he says. "Is she cute?"

It takes too long for Nishinoya to understand what Tanaka is implying. Then blood rushes into his cheeks swiftly after realization smacks his head. "You're getting ahead of yourself, Ryuu." He tries to laugh it off but it comes out strained. It almost sounds like it belonged to a stranger "There is no girl."

 _Only a boy_ , he adds silently and thinks of Asahi's smile.

"Please, you're a sneaky bitch," snorts Tanaka but the lighthearted comment shoots through his friend. "Nah, it's cool with me. You don't have to tell me who it is. But if she's super cute and super smart, you gotta let me know who it is." He throws his head back and laughs, nudging Nishinoya but never noticing how weakly he smiles.

Once their supposed 'homework' session is over and Tanaka leaves the house, Nishinoya throws himself into doing chores. It's to keep his mind occupied with the present so that it doesn't wander off and bring random thoughts that only cause his chest to tighten with longing and frustration. But his actions don't go unnoticed by his family.

His mother points it out when she finds him scrubbing away at the windows with meticulous care. His older sister asks him if he's lost a few screws up there. His father asks him if there's anything bothering him. Nishinoya responds to them all by saying, "I'm in a good mood to contribute to the household today," with a winning smile.

By the time he finishes his chores late afternoon, his body is sore from the effort he's put in. Instead of feeling bone-weary to the point that he wants to fall asleep, he feels more awake than ever. It's funny how the lack of sleep acts on Nishinoya's body. He decides to burn off the remaining of his energy by walking around the neighborhood. He doesn't have a sense of direction of where he wants to go so he lets everything go on autopilot. He likes to think it's a good thing that when he's in motion, all his conscious mind picks up are the minute details around him. It lets in a stream of information that keeps idle thoughts at bay.

Idle thoughts like the ones about Asahi.

There's the sound of a dog barking which eventually fades into the purr of a car passing by to the chatter of old ladies crossing paths with Nishiboya to the rustle of leaves in the wind. He's almost done a whole lap around the neighborhood when his body responds to the distinct noise of a ball bounding off the pavement before his mind does. It's weird how the sound has such an immediate physiological effect on him, causing his heart rate to pick up and sweat to break out on his palms. Anticipation hummed in his bloodstream as his footsteps picked up on its own volition. Nishinoya soon finds himself peering through the wired fence of the outdoor basketball court.

There's a few people playing a three-on-three game but as his eyes jump from person to person, his heart tumbles from his chest to somewhere in his abdomen. Lips folding together, Nishinoya exhales before letting go of the fence. He hadn't realized how tightly he'd been clutching the wires until he rubbed his nose and catches the metallic smell lingering on his skin. There's a tightness in his throat that refuses to go away as he walks away from the court.

This was where he found Asahi playing by himself the other day. At that time he had stopped by the convenient store before taking a detour home when he saw Asahi practicing how to shoot. He remembers how his pace had slowed when he recognized who was the lone figure in the court and how he called out the other boy. It was comical to witness how his voice had startled Asahi, causing him to miss his shot. But then Asahi turned to see Nishinoya bounding across the court and laughed. Nishinoya remembers how happy he had felt at that moment.

A tap on his shoulder jerks Nishinoya back to the present. He jumps slightly from the contact, looking over his shoulder when his ears recognize the owner of the voice who speaks to him before his eyes do.

"Yuu." Nishinoya's given name is only a syllable-long, hardly anything impressive, yet the way Asahi says it makes his chest swell. The sun is setting, painting the sky a vibrant mix of pink, orange, gold and blue but that doesn't compare to how radiant Asahi's features get when he beams at Nishinoya. For a moment, everything other than him and Asahi fades into the background.

"A-ah, I didn't see you there!" Nishinoya's voice catches slightly. He clears his throat in attempts to regain his composure. "Were you going to join them or something?" he asks as he gestures at the basketball court.

"Not today," Asahi says and looks at Nishinoya as though he's noticed something new. Under his gaze, the younger boy feels oddly special and awkward but Nishinoya meets Asahi's eyes with a questioning one. "Your hair is down. You look different," Asahi points out and Nishinoya's hand reaches to the top of his head.

"Does it look bad?" It's funny how Nishinoya generally doesn't care about what people think about his looks. But when Asahi mentions a detail about him he's immediately self-conscious.

Asahi's eyes widen and there's a faint hint of color in his cheeks. "Oh no!" He sounds as guilty as he appears while he shakes his head rapidly. "Your hair looks amazing." That's when Nishinoya turns redder and wants to melt into a puddle. The moment Asahi adds, in a softer tone, "I really like it," is the moment Nishinoya was certain his knees would give way.

Instead, he laughs. At first it's strained with disbelief but with each breath it turns into happiness. Asahi complimented his looks! Nishinoya can swear he's on cloud nine and is even tempted to wear his hair like this from now on. "You think so?" he asks, his amber eyes shining. When Asahi nods, Nishinoya's grin is as wide as Cheshire Cat's. He can't help but giggle too. "Yeah, but I bet your hair looks nice when it's down too."

"Ah, I really doubt that. I kinda look like a monster if my hair's down plus it gets everywhere in my face and all and and —" It's the first time Nishinoya witnesses a flustered Asahi. Hands waving about, flushed cheeks and speaking hurriedly in confusion. Nishinoya's heart squeezes with affection and the urge to just engulf Asahi in a hug jumps on him.

But Nishinoya laughs instead and settles for friendly slap on Asahi's arm. "Oh, don't put yourself down!" Somehow, he feels it's the right time to let a little of his feelings for Asahi to show. "I wouldn't mind if you looked like a model or a monster. You'd still be stunning to me." And then his logic kicks in, which in turn causes Nishinoya to kick himself inwardly. His breath is held as he gauges the older boy's reaction.

Asahi's staring at him now, lips parted slightly and eyes widened; he looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Neither of them says anything for about two seconds when Nishinoya's gaze drops to the ground. "Yeah, that's what I think. About you, I mean. You're really … You don't look half as bad as you think. To me, at least," he mumbles and holds his arm awkwardly. He doesn't notice how Asahi's face turns red. "Well, this has been a very fun conversation," he says abruptly, startling Asahi. Pulling a false smile, he adds, "It's getting late and I think my parents will wonder if I've been kidnapped by organ sellers or something."

Asahi blanches but nods. He's rubbing the back of his neck, wearing a thoughtful expression that makes Nishinoya wonder what's on his mind. It's a look that says there's more he wants to say—or maybe that's just Nishinoya's wishful thinking. "Ah, okay, sure," Asahi says and something deflates in Nishinoya. "I'm sorry for bothering you —"

It's Nishinoya's turn to be surprised. "What?" he replies, louder than he intends to. Asahi jumps, eyes wide. "I mean, no, Asahi. You're not bothering me." Something twists painfully in him; how could Asahi think like that? "I really don't mind."

The two of them exchange goodbyes before they part ways in opposite directions. Just as Nishinoya reaches the end of the street, he spares a moment to look over his shoulder. There's that painful twinge in his chest; its name is regret. He wishes he could've said more to Asahi. Then he turns and breaks into a run. He nearly tramples over a cat and almost got hit by a passing motorcycle on the way home. Part of him thinks it's stupid; it's not like he's some dramatic protagonist out of a cheesy romance movie. At the same time, running pushes some sensation of temporary relief. It's weird.

By the time he reaches home, his muscles are burning and his lungs are screaming. Tiredly, he removes his shoes at the threshold and changes into his slippers before he makes his way to his room. After closing his bedroom door behind him, he falls back on his bed, grabs his pillow and silently screams into it. Once he's done trying to smother himself with his pillow, he lays weakly on the mattress and stares at the ceiling.

And that's when he worries if he's revealed too much about his feelings to Asahi. As silly as it seems, he'd rather have more time to spend with Asahi, establish a comfortable friendship with him before revealing his feelings. Then again, he's somewhat friends with a senior, which is really cool, and they're on a first name basis yet the thought of pulling Asahi to one side and confess about his feelings is as likely as Nishinoya scoring an A on any of his subjects. It probably won't happen. It definitely won't happen. He screams into his pillow once more.

The incessant vibrate sound from Nishinoya's phone causes him to lift his head slightly to stare at his nightstand. His phone is lighting up with notifications but he waits until they stop coming in before checking. Most of them are texts from Tanaka but the one from Asahi is the reason why he unlocks his phone to check his messages.

 

**Asahi:** um, if it's ok, can we hang out soon?  


He has to put his phone down and walk around the room, biting his fist to prevent himself from screaming. He's never hung out with Asahi before—outside of school, that is. Once he's calmed himself down a little, he types his response when another text comes in.

 

**Asahi:** um, if it's ok, can we hang out soon?  
  
**Asahi:** if it's not too much trouble  


Nishinoya hits the send button once his response is complete.

**Yuu:** i'd love to!  


With a huge goofy grin, Nishinoya plops back on his bed, clutching his phone to his chest, and laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated so feel free to leave some! i'll do my best to reply to everyone :)  
> thank you so much for reading and i hope you'll have a lovely day!
> 
>  
> 
> [[ twitter ]](https://twitter.com/azunshi)   
>  [[ tumblr ]](https://avatarclub.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

It's a beautiful Saturday morning and the volleyball team is out for a run. They're doing the longer circuit today, which is about five miles. There's a fairly relaxed atmosphere among the members despite the upcoming match with a school from the neighboring prefecture looming over their heads. Everyone runs in pairs or groups of three. Nishinoya and Tanaka are a little away from the captain's group. Even though they should be spent by now as they've ran a little more than half of the circuit, which was their limit, the jokes they were exchanging somehow kept them going.

Nishinoya's not sure how it's possible though it does take his mind off how his body is starting to ache at different parts from exertion. He really ought to run more. Just as Nishinoya's about to recount about a show he watched yesterday, someone from behind jogs up to them. Nishinoya turns his head to find the second year, Sawamura Daichi, keeping apace with them. He smiles and says, "Hey, Daichi. Wanna hear our jokes?"

"Ah, that'd be great," answers Daichi airily. "But perhaps another time. Nishinoya, I'd like to have a word with you." Though he's trying his best to sound casual about it through the slight puffing from the run, Nishinoya can't help but feel as though he's in trouble. He tries to think of whether he's pissed Daichi off but his brain offers nothing. Tanaka gives his friend a curious look but inclines his head at their upperclassmen and jogs ahead. Daichi wauts until Tanaka's out of earshot before speaking. "Sorry about that."

"No big deal," Nishinoya replies although he's feeling nervous. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"I heard you and Azumane have been on pretty good terms lately."

At the mention of Asahi, the corners of Nishinoya's lips pull upwards into a grin on their own volition. "Yeah, we're friends," he says with a note of pride; he can't help it because he does think it's cool to be familiar with an upperclassman. Then he remembers that Daichi was one of the people who told him about the volleyball and basketball club's disagreement last year and immediately asks, "Do you think he's evil?"

Daichi gives him a strange look. "What? Why would I?" he says and Nishinoya's relieved he isn't like Tanaka, who initially believed Asahi was evil because he was on the school basketball team. "No, Asahi doesn't have a single evil bone in his body."

"I knew it!" Nishinoya exclaims and a few birds scatter from a tree nearby in fright. "Tanaka doesn't believe me but Asahi's super-duper nice. I went to his house last weekend to hang out and he was tripping over his feet to make me feel home when I told him 'Asahi, calm down, I'm not gonna —'" His eyes widen when he breaks off. "Sorry, what did you want to say?"

"Suga and I are friends with Asahi too," Daichi says placidly as he names another boy from the volleyball team. "We're pretty close too and we walk to school together," he adds. Nishinoya wonders what it's like to have that kind of friendship. Sure, he's grateful that he doesn't face the dilemma of never being able to have a normal interaction with Asahi but he can't help but want more out of his and Asahi's friendship. That, and his budding romantic feelings for Asahi makes him feel slightly envious of Daichi, Sugawara and Asahi's friendship. "Asahi's a great guy," Daichi states, pulling Nishinoya out of his thoughts.

There's something about the way he puts his sentences that raises a tiny prickle of suspicion. Nishinoya doesn't hesitate to speak his mind. "Do you," he begins, "want me to back off or something?" It might've been wrong to assume, but he thinks that maybe Daichi's here to warn him off Asahi because somehow he's sensed Nishinoya's feelings. And then his chest tightens but it's not from running.

Though he and Asahi are friends, he knows there are things that Asahi hasn't told him. He worries about whether Asahi's already taken or if there was anyone else that had their sights set on Asahi and somehow asked Daichi to tell Nishinoya off. It's concerning how many thoughts begin to inflate in his head in a span of less than a second. He almost doesn't hear it when Daichi says, "Actually, no. Though I think it's great Asahi's talking to you."

Nishinoya almost exhales loudly but he holds back at the last second. "You think so?"

"Yeah, he's a … — I wouldn't say _shy_ but he's reserved. And he doesn't usually make friends this quickly," Daichi explains.

"You sound like you've know him for a long time."

Daichi shrugs. "A few years. But it's great to hear that you and him are getting along well. He must really like you if he's comfortable around you." Nishinoya's certain he would've collapsed from the way his heart squeezed in his chest. He clutches it instead and pretends to cough when Daichi glances over at him.

"How would you know?" Nishinoya asks, feigning curiosity.

"He talks about you." When Nishinoya arches his eyebrows, Daichi gives a good-hearted laugh. "All the good things, Nishinoya."

"Well, this has been a rather enlightening talk," Nishinoya says in efforts to divert Daichi's attention.

Daichi snorts. "Be nice to him, okay? Don't let his size fool you but his heart is made out of glass."

Nishinoya throws his head back and laughs. There's no way he intends to break Asahi's heart.

* * *

"I'm not sure if I want to see this," says Asahi half jokingly as he watched Nishinoya rip off the wrapper of Gari Gari Kun popsicle eagerly.

"Please, I have to show this off at least once to all of my friends," Nishinoya insists as he crumples the wrapper in his hand and discards it in the bin nearby. There's a large lopsided grin sitting on his lips as he turns to Asahi, holding out the popsicle for demonstration. Asahi snorts and rolls his eyes but his gaze travels back to Nishinoya's, glittering with interest.

They're in Asahi's kitchen this afternoon. The older boy was supposed to be helping Nishinoya out with homework but within fifteen minutes Nishinoya lost interest and suggested they relax instead. Being the responsible upperclassman, Asahi refused only to give in later. Who knew doing the puppy-dog eyes helped Nishinoya's case?

"In two bites," says Nishinoya, "this popsicle will disappear, leaving only the stick behind." He pauses for effect and Asahi takes the cue by saying something along the lines of how it's impossible to do that. "Down the hatch, matey!" True to his claim, Nishinoya raises the popsicle to his mouth and clears it with two bites, leaving nothing but the stick behind. Asahi makes some sort of choked noise, eyes wide open with surprise, as Nishinoya manages a slight smile. The popsicle was harder than he thought, which meant it was colder than he expected; the insides of his mouth stings. Without missing a beat, he crushes the chunks with his teeth and swallows. "Ta-da!"

"I —" Asahi's clearly at a loss for words.

Laughter bubbles from Nishinoya.

"Is — Is your mouth made of steel or something?"

"What? Nah, it's made of regular mouth … stuff. Like … — proteins and meat? I dunno." Nishinoya frowns for a moment as Asahi snorts in amusement. "But it was pretty cool, huh?" He leans against the counter, trying to ignore the happy but nervous buzzing in his head that always shows up whenever he's around Asahi—it gets more obvious whenever Asahi does anything endearing or looks directly at him.

The thing about how he has to show that he can eat a Gari Gari Kun popsicle in two bites to all his friends is a lie. He's only shown it to exactly two people in his life: his older sister, Rei, and Tanaka. Three, if you count Tanaka's sister, but she wasn't paying attention at that time. It's not something he would consider as the 'show to your crush because it'll make you look cool' material but then when he's around Asahi, logic takes a backseat. Well, a back-er-seat because Nishinoya hardly uses his logic anyway.

There were other factors in play too, like the sudden boost in confidence after successfully swaying Asahi's decision to let him off homework, and that they've agreed to drop the formalities and can be casual with each other, whether in or out of school.

Also, there's a problem. A teensy-weensy problem that Nishinoya's been fretting about. He's realized his feelings towards Asahi are anything but platonic. They've progressed from being acquaintances to being friends. But this presents an issue because now Nishinoya's stuck between a rock and a hard place. He's happy he's finally gotten to know Asahi way better and he loves that they're comfortable with each other but at the same time hanging out with Asahi like this is killing him slowly.

The other day when they were hanging out at the arcade in town, Asahi had caught Nishinoya staring at him for longer than necessary after he won in some racing game against a middle-schooler with a goofy smile. "What?" Asahi asked with a placid smile and Nishinoya was barely able to decipher what it meant because he was too busy trying not to be embarrassed about admiring how cool his crush was.

"Nothing. I was just … thinking." Reflecting back on it, Nishinoya's certain that Asahi heard the crack in his voice and all but was either too kind to take notice or too oblivious.

And then there was that other time after stopping by at Sakanoshita, the convenience store near Karasuno, for meat buns it began to pour heavily. Nishinoya forgot to bring his umbrella but Asahi did so they had to share. Outwardly, Nishinoya was doing fine but inwardly he was freaking out. Sure, he had to walk closer to Asahi to avoid his shoulder from being soaked by the rain but was he far enough for Asahi's comfort?

"Yuu, you can come a little closer. The wind's blowing the rain and I don't want you to get wet," Asahi told him. And Nishinoya, letting his nerves get the best of him, rambled an apology along with a garbled explanation for his behavior that was peppered with fibs when Asahi had to grab his arm. Had it not been for him, Nishinoya would've almost been run over by an approaching car.

Nishinoya isn't aware of how quiet he is when they go back to Asahi's room. "Hey, you alright there?" Asahi asks out of concern as he shuts the door behind him.

Nishinoya blinks once then forces a laugh. He hopes the heat that creeps to his cheeks and his nape isn't visible. "Yeah, sure I am! Never been better." It hurts lying to Asahi and to himself but what can he do about it anyway? He can't just casually say, "Hey, Asahi. You know what? I like you, in a romantic way. Also, I'd like to know if you're with anyone because if you aren't, great, because I say we should date! And you're really cute—no, scratch that. You're hot, you're so nice to me, you've got such a big heart and I think a lot about you every day and it hurts so bad —"

As Asahi settles down across him at the small wooden table where they did their homework, he says, "I know it might be out of my place to say this, but I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately."

Nishinoya's blood runs cold. "What?" he replies.

"Yeah, I mean —" Asahi shrugs. "You seem different these days."

The slamming of Nishinoya's heart against his ribcage is loud. "Different _bad_ or …—" He doesn't dare to continue the sentence.

"Different," replies Asahi, which is rather unhelpful, but he seems to be struggling to describe the kind of 'different' he's referring to. He's scratching the back of his neck and looking away from Nishinoya for a moment. "Like, you're always in your head when we're together —"

Nishinoya shuts his eyes briefly because his insides tighten. _What a bad choice of words_ , he thinks when he opens his eyes again, _even for you, Asahi_.

Asahi's voice fades back to focus."— and sometimes I worry if I'm doing anything wrong —"

Puppetlike, Nishinoya plasters a smile and states, "I'm just tired."

Boom.

Nishinoya, always the most energetic person in any room, declaring he's tired is as believable as pigs sprouting wings to fly. Even disbelief colors Asahi's features as he regards Nishinoya, who carries on smiling. But the smile doesn't indicate he's joking or anything positive; it's a weary one that pleads release from whatever Nishinoya's feeling at the moment.

Asahi's lips are parted. By the gods, Nishinoya would be damned if he could ever get the chance to kiss them the way he wants, to see if they would feel like the way he imagined it, and if Asahi would kiss him back with the same amount of passion and desire he craves. Previously, in the privacy of his own room, there has been a few times when Nishinoya indulges in such fantasies, only to be aware of how worked up he's getting over

But all of these can only remain in his head and nowhere else, as he stares at Asahi with that fake smile and his lies hanging in the air between them.There has been a few times previously, in the privacy of his own room, when he's indulged in fantasies. Innocent and not-so-innocent. After every time he does, he's only reminded of what he can't have.

"Yeah." Nishinoya's voice is barely above a loud whisper, is uneven and cracked at the end.

Asahi's gaze drops from Nishinoya's to the table where the homework and notes are spread messily on. His eyebrows twitch together and his mouth folds into a line; that's his pensive expression, Nishinoya remembers detachedly. Asahi runs his thumb over the nail of his index finger and breathes slowly. "Yuu," he begins in a low yet reassuring tone and Nishinoya's insides clench at the sound of his given name on Asahi's tongue, "I know you might not be that comfortable with me but it's alright to be completely honest with me. If you've got anything bothering you or if there's something you wanna let out, tell me." His soft brown eyes flicker upwards to look at Nishinoya through his lashes. "I'd be happy to listen to you."

"Yeah," Nishinoya says again and he knows it's lame and probably insensitive but it's all he can manage. He feels like a rubber band that's been pulled too tight and now he wants nothing than to go outside and scream. But he's still got some dignity left in him so he nods and adds, "Thanks, Asahi." It's painful to stay around after that.

* * *

Tanaka keeps giving him weird sidelong looks. Nishinoya's sure of it because every time he looks over at his best friend's direction, Tanaka quickly resumes to minding his own business. It's kind of annoying and he's been at it the whole day—almost like he's afraid Nishinoya's about to blow away into ashes—but Nishinoya can't ask him about it now because they're in the middle of practice.

Coach Ukai, the old man who's brought Karasuno's name up to par with other powerhouse schools, is relentless. Their training's touch but only because they needed to be whipped into shape, especially the second and third-years whose coach had been complacent with them. And it's exhausting to go through this almost everyday but it's satisfying because Nishinoya can track how much he's improving since the first time he came here.

"Tanaka, that spike was sloppy; you need to hit the ball like you mean it or otherwise it won't ever break past blocks," Coach Ukai barks at the end of their practice match. "Sawamura, toughen up your receives. Your arms are like tofu. Narita, you need to call for the ball if you're going for it. And Nishinoya, if you let even a nanosecond of doubt get the best of you, you won't be able to save the ball." He carries on chiding each and every one of the team members. He's a tough cookie but his methods sort of help Nishinoya get pumped.

After practice at the clubroom when everyone is changing, Nishinoya pokes Tanaka's shoulder. And it's not even through cloth but full on skin contact. Tanaka's secondhand disgust is valid because he's sweaty but Nishinoya doesn't care about that. It's not like he's leaking shit or anything. "Yes, what is it?"

Nishinoya's already zipping up his team windbreaker. "Let's walk home."

Tanaka's eyebrows arch upwards. "Aren't you," he says then falters for a bit, "walking home with Mr Basketball today?" Lately Nishinoya's been walking home with Asahi because their respective club activities end around the same time and they've somewhat agreed to walk home together since they always go the same way.

Nishinoya scoffs, a little amused by Tanaka's nickname for Asahi. "No." After what happened last weekend when Asahi went all 'I'm there for you, my friend', Nishinoya feels like they've somehow taken a step back in their friendship so he hasn't interacted with the older boy since then. "But I need to talk to you."

Tanaka's eyebrows arch higher before they slide back to their original position on his head. "Yeah, sure." He changes into his uniform and they leave the clubroom.

They don't talk until they're at least a hundred meters away from the school compound when Nishinoya makes the statement. "So, I have a crush on someone." Tanaka stops in his tracks for a heartbeat before he bursts into cackles. He's shot with a bewildered look from Nishinoya when his friend flushes heavily and pushes his shoulder indignantly. "What? What's so funny?" Nishinoya demands.

"Oh man, I _knew_ it was coming!" Tanaka claps his back so hard Nishinoya feels his teeth rattle. "You've been acting all moony these past few days, being all lost in your head —"

Nishinoya opens his mouth to argue but stops when he remembers Asahi saying something similar.

"—and sighing! Sighing all the time and staring off in the distance."

"I _don't_ sigh!"

"Yes, you do!" Nishinoya exhales loudly and Tanaka whoops, jumping and pointing at him. " _See?_ You just did!"

"That's different." Nishinoya smacks his hand away indignantly. "That's me being done with you, not moony-sighing, or whatever the fuck you call it —"

"So you admit that you've been acting moony!"

"Wha— No! I mean — Fuck, stop twisting my words around, Ryu!"

Tanaka has his head thrown back and is cackling once more. "Okay forget about the moony garbage. Now, who's the pretty lady?" Tanaka asks. Something heavy drops in Nishinoya's stomach but he feels oddly light. And a little sick. "Is it Hana?"

It's as though there's cotton balls stuffed in his mouth when Nishinoya replies, "N-no."

"Oh, then is it Makoto? Or Satsuki?" Tanaka lists off names of girls from their year but all Nishinoya can hear is a high-pitched ringing in his ears. Tanaka isn't aware of the expression Nishinoya wears as he continues naming girls from school they've interacted at some point in their lives—how does he even remember? If Nishinoya's romantic feelings weren't the main thing he wanted to talk about, he'd be amazed.

"Tanaka," Nishinoya interrupts his best friend. "I can be … _completely honest with you_ , right?" He searches Tanaka's face earnestly; he can't help it because this, his true feelings towards Asahi, is important to him. The thought of Tanaka reacting with anything other than acceptance is something he wouldn't be able to stand. The image of Tanaka looking at him strangely, saying " _But I thought you liked girls,_ " and then not wanting to be friends with him anymore because he's gay or something, causes a bitter taste to rise at the back of his throat.

"Of course. You're my best friend, Yuu."

Nishinoya opens his mouth.

 _Asahi_.

It feels like it's filled with sawdust.

 _Azumane Asahi_.

His hands are shaking so badly at the sides he has to clench them.

 _It's_ Asahi _I'm in love with_.

His blood is roaring loudly in his ears he almost doesn't hear himself when he speaks. "Nakamura Asami." It's the first name he thinks of, the last person he'd probably interact with because the owner of the name was, in fact, way out of his league. There's a distinct feeling as though he's swallowed a can full of worms because his stomach can't stop twisting itself out of anxiousness. He looks to Tanaka, who's stunned.

 _God, I'm so sorry, Asahi_ is all he can think before Tanaka claps his hands and compliments him for his 'refined taste in women'. Refined, his ass. The girl he named is a third-year whom he and Tanaka met when they got lost on the first day. She was nice to them, she's also part of the student council, and she's one of the top students in their school. Way out of Nishinoya's league; to put that in perspective, she'd be on the moon and he'd be at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Nishinoya looks away from Tanaka, who's started babbling about romantic advice that he probably memorized from the internet or something. It would've been amusing to listen if he wasn't in this situation.

"We're gonna help you make this work out," Tanaka promises, throwing his arm around best friend.

Nishinoya feels like throwing up at the sidewalk now but he manages a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated so feel free to leave some! i'll do my best to reply to everyone :)  
> thank you so much for reading and i hope you'll have a lovely day!
> 
> [[ twitter ]](https://twitter.com/azunshi)   
>  [[ tumblr ]](https://avatarclub.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for waiting! i made this chapter a little longer to make up for how long i didnt update this ❤️

Nishinoya is certain this was going to end badly. Yet, as Tanaka marches him to the seniors' classrooms, he feels as though he's an onlooker watching a great tragedy unfold before his eyes. Gazes land on him in the corridor, their reactions ranging from curiosity to amusement to contempt. Even though he feels nauseated about 'confesssing' to Nakamura Asami, his face is impassive as though he's coolly confident about the affair.

They arrive at the door of Class 3-5, which is her class. As the two boys peer inside the classroom, Nishinoya can almost feel the "genius kids" aura radiating off its students. He gulps, clutching tightly at the doorjamb.

"Can I help you two?" asks one of the girls suspiciously. 

Tanaka offers an award-winning grin before slapping Nishinoya's back, causing his friend to yelp and elbow his abdomen indignantly. Nishinoya straightens up and clears his throat. That senior is terrifying, he thinks, with the way she's leering at them as though they've done something wrong. Well, maybe not for Tanaka but Nishinoya, for lying to his best friend.

"I'm looking for Nakamura? Nakamura Asami." Nishinoya's voice is barely above a tremulous whisper but she hears him anyway.

"Asami! Some kid is here to see you!" she calls over her shoulder though the 'kid' part kinda stings. She leaves them be and Asami comes up to meet them.

"Hi," she greets, looking mildly curious. Asami is as pretty as Nishinoya remembered. Her long wavy black locks, delicate features and slender stature reminds him of a forest nymph. Although she's the kind of attractive that Nishinoya can only admire for a bit before he finds himself feeling insignificant next to her.

"Can I help you?" Asami asks.

Nishinoya spares a glance over his shoulder only to find an absence of Tanaka. Fuck, he thinks before facing Asami again. His mind blanks the moment he opens his mouth; not that he had much to say in his fake confession but it's still the worse possible time to blank. He's left staring at Asami with his mouth hanging open, making him look like some caveman who has never seen a girl before. He's certain he might be making Asami uncomfortable because her expression changes slightly when he recovers.

"Asamiwillyougooutwithmethisweekend?" he blurts in a single breath.

"P-pardon?"

"A date." Nishinoya's brain is fried. "P-please?"

Asami's brow creases slightly as she looks at him, as though she's noticed something. A bead of sweat breaks out on his nape as he keeps that fake smile plastered. "Yeah, I'm free this weekend so why not?" 

"Oh, okay." Realizing how unenthusiastic he sounds, he clears his throat and says, "That's fantastic." Asami arches her eyebrows but reaches for his hand. For a moment there, he almost flinches away but stops when she pulls a pen from her pocket and jots her number on his palm. Unbidden, the wish that her contact number was Asahi's instead forms; Nishinoya has to push it out of his mind before it shows on his features.

"Thank you," he says as he draws his hand away from Asami's.

She smiles. "It's fine. You're cute." 

Nishinoya's surprised he has the grace to blush but somehow the compliment doesn't cause his heart to race or make him giddy with happiness. "I-I'll text you the time and location," he promises as Asami turns away. Once she returns to her seat, he looks down at his hand and sighs. As he walks away from Asami’s class, stomach churning, Tanaka rejoins him with a cheeky grin. At this point, Nishinoya’s too preoccupied with the strange sensation he’s experiencing to even listen to Tanaka babbling excitedly.

Combined with the general noise around him, the need for silence eventually grows. He’s about to conjure an excuse to get away from Tanaka when a single voice cuts through the din. “Yuu!” It’s wonderful, Nishinoya thinks, how Asahi can make everything terrible he’s feeling disappear. He forgets about whatever’s on his mind as he turns, features brightening instantly, to see a tall brunet boy approach him.

“Asahi, hey!” Nishinoya senses Tanaka’s questioning gaze on his back when he walks towards Asahi. “What’s up?”

Asahi smiles though Nishinoya can tell he’s nervous about something because he’s fiddling with his fingers—it’s kind of endearing. “I hope I’m not bothering you and Tanaka there,” he begins, glancing past Nishinoya’s head.

Nishinoya pauses to shoot a glare at his friend, catching Tanaka wearing that expression he uses for intimidating others, then turns back to Asahi. “You aren’t.” His gaze travels back to Asahi’s hands. “Is something wrong?” he asks, worry creeping into his tone.

Asahi’s eyes widen slightly when a tense laugh escapes his lips. He rubs the back of his neck and shakes his head. “N-no, it’s the opposite of that. It’s … hard to say. But it’s sorta important.”

“Oh.” Nishinoya realizes he might have sounded uninterested so he hastily adds, “I mean, sure. Let’s hear it!”

Asahi nods though it seems done out of self-reassurance. “I was wondering if you’d like to come with me to the movies this weekend. Y’know, to watch that movie you were talking about — “

“You mean ‘Invasion of the Asters’?” Nishinoya’s eyes gleam. “Oh, that’d be super — “ He stops abruptly, suddenly remembering of the ‘date’ he’d be having with Asami. All the excitement whooshes and leaves him feeling like a deflated balloon that’s been stepped on by muddy shoes. The change in his expression is notices by Asahi but before the older boy can comment on it, Nishinoya shakes his head. He offers an apologetic smile, ignoring the swell of frustration and regret within him. “I’d love to but I’ve got plans. I’ve got a date, you see.”

Asahi’s expression wavers slightly, enough for Nishinoya to wonder if he’d imagined it. “Ah, I see. That’s alright.” Something about Asahi’s response doesn’t sit well with Nishinoya but before he can identify why, Asahi says, “Perhaps another time then.”

Guilt lodges itself in Nishinoya’s throat, making it hard for him to respond. “Yeah, maybe next time!” It hurts to smile but it hurts even more for Nishinoya to pass up the chance to spend time with Asahi.

Asahi smiles but it doesn’t make his eyes crinkle at the sides the way it usually does. “I hope it goes well for you.” Even his voice sounds as though it’s missing something but Nishinoya can’t fathom why Asahi’s mood has shifted so quickly.

“Thanks.” 

“I’ll see you around then.”

“Yeah.”

As Nishinoya watches Asahi walk away form him, something hot and painful twists at his heart. His muscles twitch but he can’t bring himself to stop Asahi from leaving his sight, to tell him the truth, to —

Tanaka’s hand clapping over his shoulder brings him back to the present. “Hey, you good?” His voice rises into focus to Nishinoya’s ears. There’s a frown creasing his brow. “You had a really funny look on your face.”

Nishinoya’s face grows hot. He holds Tanaka’s concerned gaze for a fraction of a moment before swiveling it to the window overlooking the school courtyard. A laugh escapes him but it’s strained. “Maybe that was my lunch,” he says but he knows the excuse isn’t enough.

* * *

Nishinoya’s certain Asahi has been going out of his way to avoid crossing paths with him. Every time he spots his upperclassman, Asahi’s always goes the other Way — almost like he’s running away from Nishinoya. When he brings it up on text, Asahi insists he’s busy. Nishinoya wishes he could speak his mind but apprehension of possible lies and the truth holds him back. He can’t exactly confide in Tanaka too because the guy’s convinced he’s straight and Nishinoya’s afraid of what might happen if he came out.

Pushing his face into his pillow, he makes the most inhuman noise of frustration. Just as he’s done releasing his pain vocally, his phone vibrates. His heart leaps only to tumble in disappointment when he sees it’s just a text from Tanaka with a link on how not to mess up on a date.

**Nishinoya:** youre not helping at all  
  
**Tanaka:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME?   
  
**Tanaka:** Wow looks like this is what I get for trying to offer you wisdom huh   
  
**Tanaka:** F  
  
**Nishinoya:** anyway im highkey nervous abt the whole thing   
  
**Tanaka:** Are you even hearing yourself right?? Read the link I sent, you useless ingrate!!  
  
**Nishinoya:** i did  
  
**Nishinoya:** like last night   
  
**Tanaka:** oH  
  
**Tanaka:** I could ... follow you like a shadow   


Nishinoya’s feet stop kicking the air. He considers his best friend’s suggestion, which doesn’t sound too bad of an idea. He could use a bit of support, though he’d have to set boundaries. His attention goes back to his phone where more messages from his best friend pops up.

**Tanaka:** You wouldn’t even know I’m there   
  
**Tanaka:** I’d be like a fucking ninja  
  
**Nishinoya:** okay i get the idea  
  
**Tanaka:** ⊂((・▽・))⊃   
  
**Nishinoya:** alright fine  
  
**Nishinoya:** but no interfering unless it’s an emergency   
  
**Tanaka:** Like if she throws her drink at you  
  
**Nishinoya:** (눈_눈)  
  
**Tanaka:** Ok sOOO we need a like a signal or some shit  


While they discuss possible, and subtle, gestures for ‘emergency situations’, Nishinoya loses track of time.

* * *

One of Tanaka’s ‘brilliant’ suggestions was to grovel in front of Asami for forgiveness, which Nishinoya would’ve considered if he had no dignity left (spoiler: he still did). Instead, he bought some flowers from the florist near the café he was supposed to meet Asami at. He didn’t know if she liked roses, daffodils or whatever the rest of these flowers were so the florist offered her suggestions.

 

Cut to the present where he’s across the street of the café, sweating like crazy while clutching the flowers in his hand. From where he stands, he can see Asami sitting by the window. His mouth goes dry and suddenly the feeling of inadequacy hits him like a ton of bricks. Who is he kidding? He can’t do this. There isn’t a chance he won’t mess this up any worse than it is. Regret wells up at the back of his throat as he takes a step back.

An abrupt noise cuts into Nishinoya’s stupor and it takes him a moment to realize it’s the ringtone he set for Tanaka. He fumbles through his pockets before tapping his phone screen. “Hello?” His voice barely comes out above a whisper.

“Dude, you cannot be chickening out now!” Tanaka admonishes through the line. “I can see you across the fucking street! You are not ditching your hot date!”

Nishinoya swallows and glances at the café window. Asami is preoccupied with a book. “I don’t know if I can do it. I’ve already fucked up.” It’s not his voice, he knows, because he would never say such a thing but right now all he wants to do is to give up. It’s taking too much out of him to keep this lie.

“Noya, are you even hearing yourself now?” demands Tanaka. “Come on just get your ass over here. Or you’re paying for my lunches next week.” When Nishinoya doesn’t respond immediately, Tanaka speaks again with a softer tone. “Look, you got this, okay? She’ll love you. If she doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.”

It’s not her I want to love me, some part of Nishinoya thinks. He sighs instead, letting his head hang low. “Okay, fine,” he says before looking to the window where Asami is. His resolve returns though it has a numb and cold feel to it. Bracing himself, he adopts his usual demeanor before he crosses the street and walks into the café.

The bell by the door jingles pleasantly to announce his arrival. Only one person who sits at the corner of the place, wearing ridiculously large sunglasses and a beanie looks his direction. Nishinoya knows right away that that’s Tanaka and his cheek muscles twitch into an almost smile when Tanaka gives him an encouraging thumbs-up. It gives him a tiny boost in confidence as he approaches the table where Asami sits. She’s nursing her coffee while staring pensively out the window now and hasn’t noticed Nishinoya. To his relief, she doesn’t appear impatient or anxious. Then she looks up and whatever notion he had that it’d be easy to apologize withers.

It must show on his face because Asami’s neutral expression fades to concern. “Are you alright?” she asks before Nishinoya can say anything.

“I’m good,” Nishinoya answers although his head swims for a moment.

“Do you need to sit? You look really pale.”

“I’m alright,” he insists then remembers about the flowers in his hand. He holds them out to Asami, who looks surprised. “These are you,” he adds. “I’m so sorry I was late.”

Asami accepts the flowers with a smile that seems to be done out of politeness rather than sincerity. “Thank you …“ She trails off.

“Nishinoya,” he answers and then something within him sinks at the realization that she didn’t know his name. His mind goes back in efforts to remember whether he had ever mentioned his name to her yet nothing comes up. The small frown he wore evaporates at once when Asami starts a conversation with him.

It goes smoothly for the both of them. Asami is nice and laid-back. He finds out that they share the same love for Gari-Gari Kun popsicles, Youtube fitness channels and salty popcorn. However as they talk, Nishinoya realizes he feels there’s something missing. Of course it isn’t a surprise to him that there exists an absence of _that_ something but some part of him had hoped that by getting to know Asami a little better, he’d be able to believe in his own lie.

They end up at the cinema afterwards to catch some romcom movie.Halfway through the movie, in the darkness beside Asami, Nishinoya finds himself trapped. It’s not that the movie sucks or that he’s not enjoying himself but his heart wanders to Asahi. He excuses himself to the restroom, finds an empty stall and leans against the wall.

Absentmindedly, he reaches into his pocket for his phone. He ignores the congratulatory, though suggestive, texts from Tanaka and opens his texts with Asahi. The last thing Asahi sent him was a laughing emoji in response to meme he sent and the sight of it causes pinpricks of longing and regret. It makes him think about how today would be different if he had come clean to Tanaka about liking, not a girl, but a boy and how he could be watching _Invasion of the Asters_ with Asahi. They could try the crepes Asahi’s been craving for afterwards and maybe Nishinoya could confess his feelings.

The pinpricks evolve into pangs that almost makes Nishinoya want to cry. He wastes about five minutes in that stall that smells faintly of piss before he regains his composure. Asami doesn’t make a comment about how long he’s gone when he returns. Good, because Nishinoya doesn’t think he can pull the diarrhea excuse on her.

However, he doesn’t suspect that that was the calm before the storm. When he and Asami leave the cinemas, with Nishinoya feigning interest for the movie they just watched by commenting on the few scenes that left an impression on him, Asami says, “Nishinoya, I hope you don’t mind me being a little direct with you.

Nishinoya stops, turning to look at her curiously. “Sure, go ahead.”

Asami nods but spends a moment before she speaks. "This is a fake date, right?” she says.

Fear grips at him even though he doesn’t know what it is that she’s accused him of hiding from her. "W-what?” His cheeks are dusted with a fine shade of red. "No, I'm not. I — "

"Save it,” Asami tells him in a measured voice and he falls silent. "You’re an honest person, aren’t you?”

"I … It depends," Nishinoya replies hesitantly, confused by the direction of where this conversation is heading.

Asami’s expression softens. “I’m sorry if I sounded the way I did awhile ago. I didn’t mean to come off like that. You can tell me the truth. I promise I won’t be mad.”

Nishinoya tries to speak but his mouth refuses to open. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears; it’s deafening. He looks at her and nods slowly.

To his relief, her expression doesn’t shift into anger or disappointment but a kind smile, which takes him aback. "Is it a boy?” she ventures.

Nishinoya feels like he’s been doused by a bucket of icy water. His jaw falls open before he catches himself. "How did you know?”

She shrugs nonchalantly. "Intuition.”

The fear returns, this time biting into the edges of his mind and feeding him all kinds of negative possibilities. Without meaning to, he reaches for Asami’s arm. “Asami, promise me you won’t tell anyone about this,” he pleads, voice catching in desperation.

Asami looks startled by the gesture before regaining her composure. "I promise I won't,” she assures him and Nishinoya can breathe a little easier now. There’s a sympathetic look on her face. A moment passes before she says, "I've been where you've been." When Nishiniya gives her a curious look, she gives a simple explanation. "I like girls." 

"Oh," Nishinoya responds, then, " _Oh_." He flushes even though there’s no reason to. Asami grins at his reaction. “Wait, then why did you say yes when I asked you out? Isn’t it — I dunno — kinda mean? N-not that I think you are! _Mean_ , I mean —“ he breaks off when Asami giggles.

Asami shrugs. “You looked like you’d shit bricks any moment when you asked,” she recalls and Nishinoya wants to crawl into a hole and never come out. “I guess … I wanted to give you a tiny push in the right direction.” He gives her a mildly baffled look before she giggles.

Girls are so mysterious, Nishinoya thinks 

“Anyway, us gays have to stick together! Y’know, gay and lesbian solidarity —“

“Ah, I’m not _entirely_ sure I am gay,” Nishinoya interjects but it feels like a feeble attempt somehow. A pensive frown creases his brow as he turns away from Asami. Uncertainty swirls in his mind as he thinks about what he said; he really ought to get to know himself better and do some more research. Asami notices the look he’s wearing so she offers him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

* * *

Nishinoya regrets not making mental preparations because as soon as he meets up with Tanaka at the train station, he’s hit by a barrage of questions. To his dismay, Tanaka has had high expectations of him because he was asked things like whether he and Asami held hands or if they kissed, and a bunch of other stuff that made him tempted to clamp a hand over Tanaka’s mouth. 

“It was okay,” he answers once Tanaka runs out of questions to throw at him. “The date was fine. There was no PDA. Dude, I barely even know her." 

Tanaka’s excitement deflates visibly. He gives Nishinoya an incredulous look and says, “I can’t believe you’d say that. Did you hit your head or something?” He reaches for Nishnoya’s head and examines it for any bumps. “She’s like the hottest girl in school!”

Nishinoya was about to clarify that she was into girls and that the chances of her suddenly liking boys, much less himself, was practically nonexistent when he stopped himself. Asami being sapphic isn’t his to say. Besides, he made up his mind earlier to be honest to Tanaka. No way is he going to let Tanaka’s enthusiasm pressure him into getting another failed date with a girl.

He draws a deep breath to calm his nerves, which have all been tingling with trepidation earlier, and meets Tanaka’s gaze directly. “Ryuu, can I tell you something really important?”

Tanaka is taken aback by how earnest he sounds but nods. “What is it?”

“I need you to take what I’m about to say really calmly." 

“Yeah, I guess I can do calm,” mumbles Tanaka but when Nishinoya stares at him, he relents. “I can totally do calm. Calm is my middle name. Tanaka Calm Ryuunosuke.”

“Ryuu,” Nishinoya tries to say seriously but a note of amusement creeps into his voice. Tanaka musters a ridiculously Buddha-like expression on his face and it takes all of Nishinoya’s sheer will not to burst in laughter. He places his hand on Tanaka’s shoulder but the gesture is more of him needing to steady himself rather than holding Tanaka’s attention. “I … I lied about liking Asami.”

The background noise of people and overhead announcements fades into a blur. In that split-second of silence, he swears he’d be able to hear a pin drop. Tanaka’s face goes slack with surprise, eyes widening before Nishinoya hurries to say the rest of what he wanted to say before his best friend can react. “I like someone else.”

Tanaka’s mouth, which fell open a moment ago, shuts. He clears his throat, blinking several times before asking, “So who is she?”

Nishinoya’s heart is beating so hard it wouldn’t be a surprise if it breaks its way out of his ribcage. “My crush is not a she,” he says slowly. He can almost see the cogs in Tanaka’s brain whirring as he processes what Nishinoya just told him before realization dawns on his features.

“Oh, my god,” Tanaka breathes

“Y-yeah.” Suddenly, it’s difficult to look at him so Nishinoya lets his gaze drop to the ground. His insides are wringing together painfully and his emotions are roiling turbulently. He doesn’t know if Tanaka’s reaction means he’s okay with Nishinoya or if he’s disgusted. The backs of his eyes sting, which tell him he’s going to start crying, so he squeezes his eyes shut to stall the tears. His fists are clenched at his sides, bracing for what will come when Tanaka gives him a hug.

Surprise jolts through him; he’d been expecting Tanaka to do anything but that. And it has him confused yet relieved but he ends up hugging his best friend back. Tears squeeze past his eyelids as he buries his face in Tanaka’s shoulder while his best friend says, “You’re still my friend no matter what.” That makes Nishinoya want to bawl right then and there but thankfully he still has some dignity preserved so he draws back and sniffs.

“You’re not weirded out or anything?” asks Nishinoya in a tiny voice as he wipes his cheeks.

Tanaka shakes his head. “Okay, but two questions.”

Nishinoya frowns slightly. “Shoot.”

“Number one, am I hot?" 

“Ryuu, what the — " 

“Number two,” Tanaka continues as though Nishinoya hasn’t said anything, “Is it Azumane?”

At the mention of Asahi, Nishinoya stiffens momentarily. “Yes to question number two, and yes to question number one. You’re like the hottest guy I know. So fucking hot, the sun looks cold next to you.”

Tanaka’s head is thrown back as he chortles triumphantly at Nishinoya’s answer. “Say it again!” He pleads, a goofy grin splitting across his features.

“Tanaka Ryuunosuke is the hottest guy I know!” shouts Nishinoya, startling a few passersby, who shoot him looks ranging from bewilderment to annoyance. Tanaka roars in laughter and Nishnoya joins him too.

“I always knew I inherited the good looks in the family,” Tanaka says proudly when they board the train back home. Nishinoya shakes his head in amusement and gives him a playful shove, which he returns. “Anyway, you,” he says, tapping Nishinoya’s forehead, “are in dire need of help.”

“I do?” A frown pops up on Nishinoya’s face.

“Yes!” Tanaka nods in a serious manner. He jabs a finger in the air and announces, “We are going to help you get dick by the end of next week. Specifically, Asahi’s dick. His glorious and magnificent penis — ”

Nishinoya’s jaw falls open before he regains his senses and hauls Tanaka away as there is a child in earshot. Once they’re at a safe distance, not a single child in sight, he turns to Tanaka. “You’re so fucking loud!” he exclaims and Tanaka shrugs unapologetically. “I appreciate your offer but I gotta do this myself.”

Tanaka misunderstands him because he nods along and says, “Yeah, I’m not into a threesomes and he’s _your_ man — 

“No, that’s — What the fuck. No, when I said I had to do it myself, I mean I think he’s avoiding me,” Nishinoya interjects, cheeks hot.

Tanaka’s face turns into a scowl. “Why is he avoiding you? Does he know about you liking him or something and thinks it’s weird?”

“I have no idea,” sighs Nishinoya. “I only mentioned about having a date today and he just … closed off.” There’s an ache in his chest, thinking about it and it puts a damper on his spirits. He sighs, staring out the window where buildings pass by.

Tanaka’s giving him a sympathetic look, he can feel it. But he doesn’t say a thing, at least for a few seconds. “When we get back, you have to find him.” He checks his phone and asks, “Where can you find Asahi at this time of the day?”

“I dunno. The basketball court or maybe his house. 

“Then we’ll — sorry — you will go there and make sure he doesn’t run. I’ll go from the back so we can trap him like a pincer.” He claps his hands together to emphasize his point.

Nishinoya laughs. “Sure, but I gotta do this on my own, remember?”

“Oh yeah, right.”

“But thanks for the offer. You really are the bestest friend ever.”

“You can say that again!”

It’s all good talk but the thought of meeting Asahi later is making trepidation rise in Nishinoya again. He just hopes it’ll go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated so feel free to leave some! i'll do my best to reply to everyone :)  
> thank you so much for reading and i hope you'll have a lovely day!
> 
> [[ twitter ]](https://twitter.com/azunshi)   
>  [[ tumblr ]](https://avatarclub.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

Things are always easier said than done.

Nishinoya’s standing at the sidewalk, staring at the outdoor basketball court across the street. He’s certain he’s built up an unhealthy amount of trepidation since hopping off the train from the city and walking here. On the way back, Tanaka gave him all the advice he’d probably need and swore to support him with every inch of his being but right now it all feels like he was expecting Nishinoya to succeed. Succeed in … whatever this is.

It’s like there’s a heavy weight on his back, crushing the air out of his lungs at an alarming rate. His palms are clammy with cold sweat and his mouth feels as though it’s lined with sandpaper. He can feel his heart beating against his ribcage like a trapped animal, hear it all the way to his ears where it seems to block out all the background noise around him. 

From where he stands, he can’t make out the faces of the people at the basketball court. He’d have to move closer yet an unexplainable fear locks his limbs in place. The sound of the basketball pounding against concrete can be heard but it sounds taunting. As if it’s saying he can’t walk up to the court, won’t push that gate open to find Asahi. And Nishinoya almost agrees with it.

Who is he kidding? How can he waltz up to his crush and confess his feelings? Can he guarantee it’ll go smoothly for him? What if Asahi doesn’t understand him? Or worse, shun him? Nishinoya doesn’t believe he can bear himself if things were to go wrong here

 _So why try?_ A tiny voice whispers  silkily in his head. _Why try when all these horrible possibilities could happen to you?_

 _Because_ — 

The sound of voices talking snaps him back to the present. Nishinoya’s head shoots up to see that the people who were playing earlier are walking towards him. He freezes on the spot like a deer in the headlights but his eyes somehow land on a single person from the group. 

Nishinoya has seen what Asahi looks like after playing basketball. Asahi always insisted he looks disgustingly sweaty but Nishinoya would internally disagree each time. There’s always a kind of glow to Asahi’s skin after practice, a sight which always sends Nishinoya’s brain to half-fry because Asahi looked good like that. And the way he sounded after basketball too—his voice low and husky but a tiny bit breathless. 

Finally recovering his senses, Nishinoya realizes the guys Asahi was playing with are heading towards the convenience store behind him. His arms flail a little bit at his sides. Fortunately, Asahi doesn’t see him as he’s busy talking to his friend but any moment now he’d see Nishinoya panicking. The distance between him and the group is narrowing so Nishinoya makes the split-second decision to duck into the store.

The cashier looks up to greet when he enters, only to be arrested in midsentence when he dashes to the back of the store to hide. From the concave mirror perched at the corner, Nishinoya sees the group enter the store. His heart leaps when Asahi walks towards the aisle he’s hiding in before only to fall with a strange mix of relief and disappointment when Asahi changes his mind. 

Steadying himself, Nishinoya peers round the edge of the shelf he’s hiding by before creeping to the next aisle. The basketball dudes are dispersed around the store when he glances back to the mirror, which is bound to complicate things. He bites back a curse and uses his ears to detect footsteps or any voices. He doesn’t think he can face Asahi now so he might as well call it a day and head home.

Pretending to examine the row of canned beans, Nishinoya sidles sideways closer to the door. He turns every so often to face away from the direction of any sounds. Adrenaline runs through him like a river down its course. He’s close to the door now; the cashier is staring at him weirdly. He glances to the door and hopes he can make it. There doesn’t seem to be any basketball dudes in close proximity. Counting from five to one, he spins on his heels and makes a beeline for the door.

Only to crash into a body who turns his way from the corner of the aisle to his left. Nishinoya goes down easily while the person he ran into stumbles slightly from the impact. There’s a hard jolt up his spine when he lands but he’s too focused on getting out of here to notice.

“Hey, are you okay?” The voice causes Nishinoya to halt in the middle of standing.

Time seems to have slowed down the moment Nishinoya raises his gaze to meet Asahi’s. For some strange reason, he can see the order of emotions crossing Asahi’s features when they look at each other. Concern, relief, surprise and what appears to be a mix of confusion and embarrassment.

They stare at each other when Nishinoya remembers he’s supposed to say something. “I’m not okay but thanks for asking,” he blurts out. Asahi’s lips are parted but before he can say anything, Nishinoya adds, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Y-you do?” Asahi sounds like he can’t believe his ears.

Nishinoya nods but the movement feels robotic. Only now does he register the pain from falling over. He tries not to wince when his hand moves to hold arm. “If,” he begins, looking away from Asahi, “that’s okay with you.”

Asahi hesitates before he agrees to. While he pays for his stuff, Nishinoya waits by the bench outside the store. All he can do is stare at his shoes as worry simmers in his gut. When he hears the jingle from the store he looks up and he almost smiles. Almost.

Then he notices that Asahi didn’t buy that bottle of water he was holding earlier but … were those Gari-Gari Kun popsicles? Nishinoya feels as though he’s in a dream. “Here, this is your favorite flavor, right?” Asahi asks somewhat shyly when he gives Nishinoya one of the popsicles.

Nishinoya almost dies on the inside from the fact that Asahi remembered that he loved the soda flavored ones. His face grows unnaturally hot as a result. “T-thank you,” he squeaks and Asahi arches his eyebrows. For a moment there, he thinks Asahi will laugh but instead he pats spot beside him on the bench.

“So,” Asahi begins awkwardly, “how did your date go?”

Nishinoya does a double take at him. “What? Oh.” He purses his lips together and shrugs. “It was … okay. She was nice.” Had it not been for his feelings for Asahi, he would’ve explained everything at length. A small noise of frustration escapes him when he’s unable to tear open the popsicle from the middle. Asahi is about to offer help but Nishinoya realizes belatedly when he tears it open with his teeth. “Er, sorry,” he mumbles, going bright red in the face when Asahi draws his hands back. 

“It’s fine.” Asahi pauses. “I heard it was a pretty third-year girl.”

Nishinoya almost drops his popsicle. He catches it but his hands are shaking slightly. “W-what do you think?”

“Hm?”

Nishinoya hesitates. “About me and … a third-year?” He watches Asahi’s face carefully, for anything similar to the one he made the other day when he said he had a date. Either he had imagined it or Asahi has gotten better at concealing expressions. Right now he wants nothing more to fold into himself like origami.

Asahi shrugs. “It’s … cool, I suppose.” His tone suggests otherwise.

Nishinoya notices both he and Asahi haven’t eaten their popsicles yet. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t feel like eating his favorite popsicle. But he makes himself do it anyway. The popsicle is gone except for the stick. The cold bites at the insides of his mouth, leaving it numb.

Next to him, Asahi gives a start. “Wh —“

Nishinoya disposes of the stick and wrapping in a nearby bin. All of a sudden, determination spikes through him, as if eating the popsicle earlier helped him work up the nerve. He’ll do it. He’ll tell Asahi how he feels right here and right now. Turning around, he squares his shoulders and sets his jaw.

“Asahi,” he says when he returns to the bench. Asahi is taken aback by the abrupt fierceness of his tone. “I have something very very important to tell you." 

“Oh, uh, okay.”

“I like you.” Nishinoya holds his breath. His heart is fluttering fast like the wings of a tiny bird. He stares at Asahi, eyes searching for any signs that his feelings are reciprocated. However, his gaze is met with slight confusion and obvious discomfort.

“Ah,” responds Asahi.

Nishinoya’s eyes begin to sting and he blinks away from Asahi’s face. The dull ache in his chest spreads across his body until it’s felt in every inch of his being. “I mean, like a friend,” he says hurriedly but his voice is uneven. “I appreciate you a whole lot. And —“ He forces himself to look at Asahi once more, even if it’ll hurt, otherwise Asahi would have doubts about his sincerity.

Not that his explanation was sincere to begin with, but if he smothers it with the truth then maybe … just maybe …

“— you’re like the coolest upperclassman ever. I … just hope nothing changes between us.” he finishes. 

If anything, Asahi appears unsettled. “N-Noya,” he manages to say, swallowing visibly, “what’s going on?” As simple as that question may be, it crushes Nishinoya.

“Nothing.” It comes off sharper than he intends to and Asahi flinches. Nishinoya can’t bring himself to look at him anymore so he gets up. His nails dig into his palms; the pain clears his mind enough for him to muster a fake smile. “I’m gonna head home. Nice talking to you. Thanks for the popsicle.” 

“Yuu —“ Asahi calls but Nishinoya is walks away as fast as his legs allows him to.

* * *

Tanaka would break his kneecaps if he told anyone about this but Nishinoya knows what a big romantic he is. Which is exactly why he’s sitting in Nishinoya’s room with a hopeful smile. “So,” he begins teasingly. He’s too excited for this, for some indicator that things have gone swimmingly for his best friend. 

Nishinoya tries to smile back as he rests his back against the door. He doesn’t want to look like the loser who blew his chance, even though he _is_ that loser. He doesn’t want to talk about how it all went wrong for him. It felt like a horrible dream he had yet to wake up from. He’s afraid that if he does mention so much as a word of it, it’ll become reality. He doesn’t want that. 

“How did it go?”

Nishinoya inhales sharply when mirthless laughter bubbles out from him. His gaze has dropped from Tanaka’s face to the floor. He’s been resisting it but the pressure on the backs of his eyes become too much to bear now. He blinks and feels tears at the edges of his eyes. 

A small noise causes him to look up and he sees that Tanaka’s enthusiastic expression has been replaced with concern. “Noya —“

“I fucked up.” Nishinoya’s lips seal themselves tightly but undignified whimpers escape from his throat. Before Tanaka can get to him, his back slides against the door until he ends up in a huddled position on the floor.

The roar in his ears deafens all else that he can’t hear Tanaka trying to reassure him. Hot tears splash down his cheeks and somehow he can taste salt on his tongue.

On the way back home, he wanted so badly to cry yet his eyes refused to; they kept stinging. So he ended up screaming, causing birds perched on overhead lines to scatter in fright. It helped but not really.

Now that he’s crying, he wishes he isn’t because Tanaka looks fucking worried and it only makes him feel more frustrated and angry at himself.

It takes about ten minutes until he’s all cried out before he can speak again. “I said it to him,” he begins and winces. His throat hurts and his voice sounds tight and croaky. 

“Noya, you don’t have to tell me —“

“I told him I liked him and he just looked at me as if … as if — And I had to lie. Had to tell him I meant liking him as a friend. Even though it’s the truth it hurts that I can’t mean it the way I want to —“

“Noya,” Tanaka says firmly with a stern expression. “You don’t have to beat yourself up over it, okay?”

“But it’s my fault, isn’t it?”

“No, it isn’t,” replies Tanaka sharply, causing Nishinoya to flinch. Then his face softens. “You did what you could and that’s the best thing you could’ve done.” 

“But Asahi —“ 

“ _To hell with Azumane_.” Tanaka draws a breath but the vein at his temple is throbbing. “I’m just hoping he isn’t gonna be a jerk about this. But maybe … maybe he was just surprised.” When Nishinoya’s brow creases, he adds, “I mean, you’ve talked so much about him so I kinda know what type of person he is. Anyway, this Azumane fellow sounds timid and shy even though he looks like he could pick you up and toss you out the window.”

Nishinoya scowls and Tanaka makes a shushing noise. “And,” he continues, “you did say he only has, like, two friends—Daichi and Suga. He doesn’t hang out with a lot of people and he has like self-esteem issues. So maybe he couldn’t believe that you’d like anyone like him. Maybe he thinks you’re too good for him, which I agree —“

“ _Ryuu_ ,” says Nishinoya warningly.

“Okay!” Tanaka throws his hands up but he doesn’t look sorry. “So don’t beat yourself up over it. He’ll come around.” There’s a pause. “Otherwise I’ll have to revert back to my belief that he’s evil, like all the basketball club guys, and punch his teeth out.” Despite the threat, Nishinoya finds himself laughing and shoving Tanaka’s arm.

“Now, that’s the Yuu I know!” cheered Tanaka and returns the shove.

“Thanks, man.” Nishinoya sniffs and wipes his face with the back of his hand. Tanaka holds his arms out and he doesn’t hesitate to oblige. Bone-crushing hugs are exchanged before they head downstairs for dinner.

Nishinoya will take Tanaka’s word for now.

* * *

A guy like Asahi would probably need a week to process a love confession but to Nishinoya’s surprise, he came around faster than expected. Asahi finds him on the roof at the usual spot during lunch two days after the ‘incident’, which Nishinoya and Tanaka refer it as.

By this time, Nishinoya keeps the memory of his failed confession at the back of his mind; it bothers him a few times during the day but he reminds himself with Tanaka’s words. He’s surprised to see Asahi making his way over; he knows because Asahi’s looking right at him. The sight of Asahi does make his heart skip but ache at the same time. Worry clenches around him and he doesn’t want to get up but somehow he’s on his feet and walking towards the upperclassman. 

“Hi.” Asahi sounds like he’s run a whole marathon.

“Hi,” Nishinoya repiles, sounding the same.

Asahi inclines his head and purses his lips together. He’s fidgeting at the sides, Nishinoya notices, before he raises his head again. “Listen, about the other day —“

Nishinoya suppresses the urge to flinch and smiles instead. “I lied,” he admitted. “Just the bit about liking you as a friend,” he adds quickly before Asahi can react. 

Asahi opens his mouth then blinks rapidly. “E-eh?” When Nishinoya nods, his face turns bright red. And then Nishinoya starts grinning because that look is a dead giveaway to how Asahi feels about him. “Y-you like me as in … a like way?” 

The question is so silly and adorable and so Asahi-like that Nishinoya starts chortling. “Yeah, I do.”

“Oh.” Asahi’s voice has gone slightly higher in pitch. “Oh my God.”

“Well, if you don’t like me back then it’s okay —“

“It’s not,” interjects Asahi with an unexpected urgency. Then his eyes widen and his hands fly to cover his face. 

Nishinoya’s laughing again; heads turn in their direction but he can’t bring himself to care about the kind of looks they’re getting.

“I like you too.” Asahi’s words come out slightly muffled but it’s audible anyway. “This is so crazy,” he mumbles, “because I didn’t think you’d like me back —“ He breaks off when Nishinoya catches him off-guard by hugging him. One second he hesitates before he wraps his arms around Nishinoya. He even goes as far as tucking him under his chin.

The unexpected gesture leaves Nishinoya tingling all over with warmth. “I like you,” he says again for the sake of it. “I like you, so deal with it.”

Asahi smiles. “I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> fgggf this was very self-indulgent but i tried my best! thank you so much for reading this fic!


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